Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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