I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
