New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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