Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
