apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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