Kiss
Puke
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
