I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
