oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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