I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
