I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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