I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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