Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
