how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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