We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize