it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
