it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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