He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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