I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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