he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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