What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
