my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
