after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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