i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
