I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
