Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
