we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
