I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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