You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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