omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
