Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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