I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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