i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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