you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
