My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
