Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
