I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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