Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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