Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
