She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
