I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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