i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
