Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
