eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
