Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
