Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
