i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize