paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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