Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
