I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
