i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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