We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
