somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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