I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
