Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
