She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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