Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Who died my cat blue again?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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