i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize