I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
