she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
