youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
