he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
