that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
