You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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