he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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