At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
