Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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