we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
