that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
