I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
