end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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