sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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