Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
