I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
