I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize