why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
