Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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