he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
