She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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