laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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