theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
