he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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