i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
