been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
