we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
