Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
