xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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