At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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