hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
