I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
