it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
