i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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