All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize