1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
no you cant smoke seaweed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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