what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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