the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
