Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
