Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My feet surprised me
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